Saturday, December 31, 2011

Who is that fat girl in the mirror?

I never, ever thought I would be overweight.

Seriously. ME? KALLAN KEM KAMPAS? I was the fit gymnast who worked out (literally) 10+ hrs a day. During my days in Idaho we had 2, 3 hr workouts a day...plus we ran with the collegiate track team...and lifted with the collegiate football team....and had ballet class...AND yoga class. All in one day. And you know what? After a LOT of hard work, I could run faster, jump higher, and lift more than any of the other girls on my team (and some of the boys too)...and yet, I was still the "heavy" girl. In my eyes and in my coaches eyes as well.

I'll leave the details to your imagination, but those last years of gymnastics were torture. An endless cycle of being ignored by my coaches because I was "too heavy," then starving myself to loose weight, winning praise from my coaches because I had lost weight, then caving in to my cravings for food, and, therefore, gaining the weight back and being ignored by my coaches once again.

When I quit gymnastics, I weighed 136 lbs. (we were weighed daily), had 5 % body fat (we were tested with calipers on a monthly basis), and had a 28 inch waist (measured at the hipbone).

Today I weigh 179.7 lbs. (weighed this morning for the first time in a month), I don't want to know what my body fat percentage is, and my hip area measures in at a whopping 43 inches.

Holy Schmoly.

HOW did I let this happen? WHY did I let this happen?

I don't know really. I've asked myself these same questions for the past 2 years and I don't have an answer. Oh, I know its because I eat terrible-for-me food and I never workout. Duh. A day in my life and that would be totally obvious.

I have lots of really good excuses. I had a baby. I work full-time. I have laundry to do, errands to run, dinner to make, and a house to keep clean. Not to mention a husband and daughter who I'd way rather spend time with then "waste" time on working out. Plus I work 5 extra nights of call a month AND I'm a Reservist so that all takes a lot of my time.

I use those excuses to not work out and eat right. And I'm not sure why I let myself do that. But I have to stop. I know that in my head and I know that in my heart.

I work in the operating room for goodness sake. I see the devastating effects obesity has on the body on a daily basis. Terrible disease and dying all related to a person's food choices. And yet, nurses have a reputation for being severely overweight. And I'm one of them.

I don't have a specific workout plan that I'm following or a calorie restriction that I can't go over, but I do know I have to do something. This morning I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror (I hid this particular mirror in my closet to avoid just such glimpses) and I didn't recognize the girl in the reflection. She was fat. Not just an extra 5 lbs kinda pudgy, but more like a where-did-those-three-fat-rolls-come-from kinda pudgy.

I know its going to take a lifestyle change. I know its going to take a lot of I-really-don't-wanna kind of work. But I have to...I need to.

I want to.

And I'm going to take it one day at a time. I'll post my successes (and my sure-to-come failures) on here.

Tomorrow's Plan:
Put my workout attire on at 6am and go run.
Breakfast: Cottage Cheese + Pineapple
Snack: Fruit TBD
Lunch: Salad + Veggie + Fruit + Low Cal Crunchy item
Snack: Smoothie?
Dinner: EZ Meal Plan

I'll let you know how I do!

Oh, and Happy New Years to you all!

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